Fighting for Breath

I Have Brittle Asthma. Everyday can be a battle to breath and survive. This is a space to share, rant and come to terms with my everyday challenges and thoughts.

Making Space

I seem to go through spells of wanting to get rid of stuff and making space. Last night was one of these times and I found a group on Facebook where people sell craft materials so there was me going through everything and putting pictures on there. When you have as much stuff as me it took ages to go through one draw and I made allot of mess. Anyway I did get some use out of it I managed to sell about £50 worth of stuff, of course I am not going to get my money back on it but it is just sitting there. I have hundreds of cards that I never going to get rid of. But even with that stuff gone it doesn’t seem to have made a dent into what I have. I don’t want to just throw it away its all so nice but I want it gone really. It was sad to see stuff go as card making was my escape when I was first ill, when I let my lungs get the better of me and I spent a small fortune on everything and to go really cheap is hard. I like making money on things.

I need to really go through another draw and get them either on eBay or this group. If any readers want anything comment and I will try and help!

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The Future

At the moment I seem to be always being asked what I want to do with my life, I have 3 years left on my degree but what do I want to work as and where do I see my life in 5/10 years. At the moment I have no idea, its rare for me having no idea. I think because I don’t see myself doing anything in particular. I still long to be a paramedic but I think even I managed to avoid allot of hospital admission the brittle asthma label alone would cut me out but I cant forget the dream. my back-up plan and the original career idea was nursing but after spending so much time in hospital I think I cant see myself as a nurse, it doesn’t have the same rush and enjoyment as I used to and I don’t have the patience to deal with the rubbish that they have to. Though I would love ED its care that can go straight into ED.

I am coming to the end of my NVQ and that means I can walk into a job in a nursery, but I don’t think I want to do that I think its exhausting. There is a chance that a Play Worker post at the children’s centre might come up, though I would have to change how they do things to make me better able to cope but it would just be a short term thing until I need something else. Though they say your better off off benefits there is some other considerations to have I would be classed as low income so I think I would get most of my rent paid but would need to pay council tax, then there my OU funding (again I think Im ok), prescriptions would have to get a prepayment certificate at around £100 a year. then there is a small part of me that thinks why should I bother, there’s plenty of people out there that could work but don’t who are better than me so why should I bother!

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the frustration of waiting

I am sat her for what feels like waiting for my life to start. Despite upping my steroids and feeling better it hasn’t stopped me getting those pre-admission feelings I am so over asthma and want my subcut to be sorted. I have emailed the nurse a number of times now and got nothing back she apparently has emailed my consultant. I just getting paranoid that thieve changed there minds or the application has been turned down. I wanted it sorted for my holiday for the confidence that I will be ok and able to push myself that bit further. I don’t see them at clinic until a week before I go, if they did leave me to hear until then they wont be able to set me up on that day knowing them let alone the rest of week. I wanted to go to the clinic appointment saying yes subcut has helped me. I don’t want to keep on at the nurses but Im not sure who else to speak to to try and speed up the process.

The frustration of waiting hasn’t helped my depression, I lack the motivation to do anything and its the time I cant avoid things its getting near final essey time for my mental health module and had another assignment for my science module so it has been testing my time management skills.

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Hot Water

My hot water in my flat has never been great, I rang once before and they replaced one filter and told that’s as hot ass its going to get as the hot water tank is at the other end of the building but over the last 6 months its been getting worse and worse. When I got new taps as the converter button broke and had a plumber over well he made a comment on my water and said what I got told about it being because of where I am isn’t true. Anyway it all came ahead when i wanted a bath, I ran the water for 30 minutes and still was stone cold. I hadnt realised it got so bad as I had been showering at the pool. After a number of phone calls and appointments which people didn’t turn up someone came played about with it and now I have boiling hot water.

Why am I going on about hot water, I now appreciate having a hot bath. I feel so much cleaner after a bath.

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