Fighting for Breath

I Have Brittle Asthma. Everyday can be a battle to breath and survive. This is a space to share, rant and come to terms with my everyday challenges and thoughts.

Weight Watchers- Week 29

Well I didn’t do very well, I couldn’t stop my snacking. I still managed to loose 0.5lbs this week. I cried. I think it was the stress of the week and the frustrations that I wasn’t getting anywhere. My leader was great though gave me a hug and after we sat down and talked. I confessed that I was snacking and we came up with a plan. I am to cut to 30 points a day and to cut my weeklies down to 15 for a few weeks, She gave me a few tips like swapping bread for a wrap, emptying the cupboards of the treats, swapping to brown rice and pasta and snack on porridge.

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To much Medcine

Im down in the dumps today, I think as I have had enough of being on millions of meds for different things. If it isn’t asthma its another thing. My list of conditions just keep getting bigger and I want to stream and stop the roller coaster. I want to reduce my meds I want to not have to go to the pharmacy every other week where they just look on the floor for the big bag of boxes. I want a month to go without a hospital appointment. I want to not to worry about it all anymore. I feel like I am one big side effect. I want to support myself I dont want to be on benefits anymore, I want a life and a career.

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I have my first OU exam a week today and well I am convinced I’m going to fail. everytime I try and revise Im distracted and when I do revise I just go into a panic so I have been avoiding it.

My tutor has been going through past papers with me but then I manage to some form of answer out but I don’t know if it is write or wrong. Shes given me a timetable with 6 hours of studing a day I just avoiding doing any and it makes me really anxious. In the past my way of exams has been not to revise and well though I passed most of my A Levels this isn’t like it. I failed all my exams at uni on first attempt. I just cant seem to comprehend an answer when it is needed.

I am also wishing now that I could write it on computer but I will remember that for next year.

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I want to quit weight watchers but I’m scared I will go back to my own ways. I’m not really following the plan anymore and it fills more like a chore to count foods. I cant seem to curb my snacking in the evening its stress and boredom eating. I’m fine during the day but in the evening I start eating and almost go well I screwed up already might aswell go all out! Ive tired everything to curb my appitite, Im addicted to food and cant seem to stop it even when Im full I still nibble. Ive tired herbal slimming aids, detox stuff, distraction and though they work for a while I still think of food. My next plan try hypnotherapy!

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Weight Watchers- Week 28/29

I decided since I was going away and felt it would be hard to track to give it a miss for the 2 weeks (since my week was in the middle of a weight watchers week) I did try to make sensible choices and I would of gained lots of activity points I still managed to put on 2lbs. A PCOS cannot come soon enough as my motivation is nothing.

I am trying this week to get into good habits. So my 2 new ones are get 8 hours sleep a night and to eat dinner at the table. Im planning on also taking a picture of me fat and put it on the fridge.

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Over Emtional

Since I came home i seem to be over emotional  one moment I’m quite happy the next I’m in tears I’m crying over little things, I cried as I broke a plate today. I tired when someone died on casualty. I don’t know whats got into me. I don’t feel depressed. I’m hoping its due to my hormones as It would explain allot. Hopefully I won’t cry watching the Simpsons tonight.

Ive got my resp nurse this week and going to ask to reduce my prednislone as I seem to be allot better these days. Hopfully that will help with the weight loss.

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A Volunteers View on CHICKS

I have done more than most on volunteering and I’ve seen different ways of doing things so I thought I wrote write my comparasion on each charity.

CHICKS run holidays throughout the year unlike most other charities, they are free to the children. This has got to be a positive as can influence more children. You have to consider the cost to the charity you would think that they would have to be careful with they money. They are not, far from it. Everyday they are out doing activities. Food isn’t limited as some of it is donated.

As for the application and training this is were the differences is. CHICKS was a application form, CRB and references. Then they training is once your on a camp. I did feel I was lacking in training when I arrived as we were thrown into it. Maybe a weekend would be good

As is comes to discipline they is far more relaxed than any other charity, they like to think as a volunteer more like a big sister than teachers and should be unlike school, this does not mean you let them run riot. You just pick your battles and ignore the others.

One issue I did find was the lack on information on the children was given to us, sometimes important things like if they have ADHD or allergies. i did find I was putting my foot in it a few times!

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Cool Week

Well I’m back and in sort of one piece! I have had a great week. Let me tell you more.

I have been a volunteer for Chicks, which provide holidays for disadvantaged children for what ever reason for example young carers or living in foster homes. It would be fair to say I was scared and very anxious.

Monday was spent travelling. I had decided to go to via train as I didn’t want to worry about being over tired or my car. It was a good thing as only 2 volunteers went by train. I was thrown straight into it to look after the kids on the bus keeping them entertained and awake for the journey. The rest of the evening was spent with the kids playing games.

Tuesday, I was awoken up early to get the kids up and showed ready for breakfast.The morning was horse riding and well it didn’t goo to plan. They forgot to point out that we were to lead a horse and the walk included a long steep hill. I gave up (which they had warned them before I might have to do) and walked back to the bus and hid. The afternoon was spent playing team games in one of the large play barns as it was too wet to go to some waterfalls they had planned to do (Im glad they did as they could of been another activity I wouldn’t of been able to do)

Wednesday went to a leisure park. It had indoor soft play area with a ball pool and death slide. I tried my hardest to take part fully and I mostly did.

Thursday the morning was climbing which I attempted, and swimming. Which I sort of participated I got into the water swam a bit chucked kids in the water, got dunked myself. I did get wheezy afterwards, and I did my best to hid it from the kids.

Friday was an early start and was mostly in getting the kids packed and out before I could head home.

The kids were mostly polite apart from one who lacked respect, she was always picking on me because of my size with comments such as you would eat it all if you could. She also blanked all the volunteers as she didn’t like us. Another boy had no expression on his face wouldn’t say a word so we didn’t know if he was enjoying it. One boy would only eat chicken nuggets and chips for dinner, he had some issues with hyper focused on death and killing people.

The house was a large house with one large room for the girls and 2 smaller rooms for boys. the volunteers had a room to share next to them. It had 3 large play barns one with pool tables etc, one with trampolines and one for football. Usually there would be 8 volunteers but this week only had 5 in total with 3 paid members of staff.

I am now black and blue from being pushed into the pool and ball pool and shattered but already said I would go back!

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Ive just come back for a mini break in Bournemouth seeing the Big Reunion. It was a good fun concert and a great location. We stayed in a Travelodge not too far away from the arena. The arena was small enough that I wasn’t too far away at the back, but big enough that the vibrations didn’t effect me. I ate far too much bad stuff but never mind. I was exhusted after just one night away so was home and straight to bed.

Tomorrow I go away for 5 days volunteering with a charity involved with disadvantaged children and young carer’s etc. I am scared, I dont know anyone, I don’t know what the charity is like, I don’t know about what to expect. I’m worried about getting ill or it being all too much for me. But I feel I have to do it for myself. We arrive the same time as the children so no time to get over my anxieties before they arrive. Fingers crossed I don’t end up in some foreign hospital

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Weight Watchers- Week 27

Well I struggled this week staying within my limits. I would have good days and then I would have a blow out. Due to being a bit poorly exercise was less. But something in side me felt different. I was walking taller I felt thinner but Im not Im 1lb heavier. Its a yoyo at the moment I don’t care when I stand of those scales I dont look. Its turned into a chore being weighed. I still like the social side of going though.

Decided to give it until the end of August and if things dont get better going to try Slimming World.

I wont be going next week as I am away volunteering for a charity which I will tell you about when I get back

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