Fighting for Breath

I Have Brittle Asthma. Everyday can be a battle to breath and survive. This is a space to share, rant and come to terms with my everyday challenges and thoughts.


A random post I know but hey!

I hate washing up, there seems to always be something I forget to wash up, a endless stream of it. I hate not having sufficient hot water to be able to wash stuff up well (I am rubbish at washing up, But I cant leave it for the washing up fairy!). i hate putting my hand into luke warm water feeling the lumps of food floating in the water. I hate having to pick the lumps out of the sink. I just hate washing up. I leave the clean(ish) plates on the side until there is no room adding to the precarious tower or until it gets used. Its the same things being washed up over and over. Washing Up could be banned.

I’m a messy cook, one job I hate is cleaning the floor, the dry peelings the crumbs the odd pea that didn’t want to go on the plate. I leave it until I really have to do it. This answers why I seem to attract the mice.

The mice…. I see him running around my house, trying to get my crumbs from my bedroom or in the kitchen. they look so harmless. He looks like one of the boys. I hate having to set traps after the last one when it didn’t kill him straight away and heard him squeaking. This mouse is clever he’s avoiding the traps. i hope he just goes outside and runs around the park.

My bathroom, dont have much hot water and certainly not enough for a bath so I dont use the bath much (dont worry I do shower.. when I go swimming!) so I dont clean the bathroom, I dont need to. My mother tends to do it!

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Weight Watchers- Week 25

Well I lost 1lbs this week, good considering that Ive eaten out 3 times the weekend, went over my weekly allowance. But the lower daily allowance seems to be working.

Ive started taking Kilo Off a weight loss aid so will see what the next week has to bring, I think it will be a acquired taste.

What also helped is Ive been walking more!

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As you know I’ve been trying and failing to loose weight, when mentioned this to a Gp the first thing they said was your not doing enough exercise. Well Im doing more than most people and with stuch unstable asthma as mine any more I think would make me ill. I have increased the number of days a week I go swimming and almost doubled my lengths swimming (though the number of lengths isnt quite up to normal people’s standard my speed is) I have taken up Archery which helps build muscle and there is the walking to the target and back so I do that twice a week and I try and walk somewhere the days I dont do anything (yes this bit isnt much as it usually is just to sainsbury’s and back!) I havent got time to fit in another session and I would get bored if went swimming three times a week. What more does she expect me to do? Ive got a feeling they will try and get me to do there gym referral when last time they said I could only swim and go to yoga type classes as I need consent supervision in the gym to monitor me and they cant provide this. Wiltshire don’t have great services for obese people its Slimming World/Weight Watchers, the gym referral which is unsuitable for me or Orlistat which I dont want as I dont have a high fat diet and the side effects are horrible.

Ive been researching Polycystic overies and its known that people struggle with weight loose and this is mainly due to insulin resistance in people with the disease to treat this Metformin, a anti-diabetic drug is used. Though modern research say is isn’t effective I have been reading people’s experience of it and it can help sift those few pounds as they dont have the sugar highs and lows so much. So I know this sounds bad but almost want to be diagnosed so can try this, it would also explain allot. I do have all the signs of insulin resistance and PCOS its just waiting for a diagnosis that’s frustrating me

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Weight Watchers- Week 26

Well another frustrating week I had been good and followed my daily limit most of the time (but didn’t use all my weeklies) I still managed to put on 1lb meaning Im back to where I was the 3rd week in so the last few months been a waste of time. I just burst out in tears I can’;t cope with this weight gain when firstly I’m paying out and secondly I’m trying so hard. My leader was great though she felt my pain and was surprised I was still coming as I have been following the plan and not getting the results. We sat down after the talk and talked about things and decided that we had to do something different in order to ride the storm better so I can say look Ive done this despite their being a likely problem until my condition (the PCOS or the hyperprolactin) stabilizes we will cut my propoints daily allowance from 40 which someone of my weight should be on to just 34. I’m really hoping that I can at least go back to where I was and stay there. I’m trying really hard, I cleared out the treats today and brought lots of vegetables and salad stuff to snack on


Enjoying Food- A Resturant Review (Sort Of)

Over the recent months I found I enjoy food more, I want to cook and create new recipes but no way would I want to be a chef. Weight watchers has taught me about healthy eating and almost made me obsessed with what I eat as you have to know and track everything you it. I routine that weight watchers is to ask yourself is it worth the ProPoints allowance? and certainly some things (manly cakes) aren’t.


Tonight I went to Jamie’s Italian a place where the diet could easily go wrong as pasta values greatly differ. I went for a wild mushroom ravolli (of coarse it had a fancy name) with a layer of tomato sauce. it was lovely and I ate slowly as I wanted to savor every bite and ordered a mix of sides including Italian breads, lettuce and some Apple slaw. I had to try a dessert though I knew this would soon rack up the points but ah well don’t have desserts these days and had a Tiramisu. I loved the food and want to try the whole menu.

Wild Mushroom Cilindretti Pasta Pillows

Sides- Humble Green Salad, Apple Slaw & Italian Bread


Part of a dining experience is the atmosphere and At Jamies didn’t fail me, the restaurant was abit like the tardis seemed to go on and on round and round on itself taken past the bread station and the main kitchen before we got seated. All the tables were large and we weren’t cramped on a tiny table a good thing since we ordered and shared lots of sides! Drinks were ordered quickly and delivered timely a a jug of water which we didn’t have to ask for. The lighting was a little dark for my tastes but that added to the atmosphere.

As a dieter the mains seemed healthy with everything being grilled and descriptions were good so could de-code the menu. I worked out that the menu generally was lower pointed than expected with a cannelloni dish being 15 propoints and he used mostly tomato based things. Side-salads were interesting!

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Mr Cough Man

Ive just got home from my appointment and well it didn’t go as expected.

Basically in order for them to decide what to do they have to stop my reflux meds and then repeat the test off meds. frankly I dont see the point they know Im having reflux on meds why find out I get reflux off the meds! This could take months and still a decision wont be made to operate or not as firstly has to be agreed with respiratory consultant that its affecting me enough to risk an an operation (Ive had problems with GA’s in the past) and then got to met with the gastro and GI consultants for them to agree its worth the risks. SO I doubt it will be sorted anytime soon.

Apart from that he confirmed though I am not a normal asthmatic my lungs and my blood look like an asthmatic just not causing the obstruction at the time of lung function testing.

My immune system is fine and the recurrent infections is likely to be doctors see the blood and assume I have an infection where I might just have a virus but since thats calmed down Im not worried.

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Weight Watchers- Week 25

Well though now nothing surprises me I put on 1lbs this week. The more I think about it the more I think its a little delayed as the last week I have been really good.

Anyway I saw my GP and she is sending me for a scan and some more blood tests to check for PCOS. I really hope it is this it would explain the weight and the periods issue. In the meantime she said I need to increase the intensity of my exercise as apparently I’m not doing enough but I could do more without getting ill.

If stopped the one of the tablets which was causing me issues with hyperprolactin and will discuss with Mr Cough Man on wednesday.

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Life in General

Well I’ve got lots of little things to talk about so instead of millions of one liner posts have larger clumped up one. (not the best way of describing it but my dyslexia is really bad at the moment)

Ive booked another appointment with a GP, one I haven’t met before to discussing why Im not loosing weight. Its my main problem at the moment as I am really fed about the whole dieting thing. Im not sure what he will do as I am not keen on orlistat as the side effects are horrible and i dont believe in loosing weight by tablets as as soon as you stop unless change the habits it wont last. But I did read that the thyroid blood test are not very effective for people on certain meds which I am. Also still thing something must be wrong with my periods so poly cystic ovaries is a likelihood!

My sister has ADHD and therfore is very hyperfocused about MeatLoaf (the rock star not the food) so has gone away for 2 weeks to do a roadtrip whilst he is on tour. The last few days she has been in London. Anyway we both said we were going to book in a hotel and do all the tourist stuff we never did when we were younger and surprise surprise shes gone and done them. What annoys me more is I know if me and mother go she will still want to go with us, I cant do anything with my mum without her coming along! It has been nice the last few days having mum to myself even if as soon as she walks in she moans about either my Dad or my sister.

I got a phone call yesterday from Southampton offering me a new appointment with Mr Cough Man as he is known to me, SO I jumped at the change of moving my appointment foward 6 weeks to next Wednesday  Though I am wondering why move me forward they have loads of new patients, maybe my consultant asked him to. I now have to prepare in my head for it as I wasn’t expecting it. I’m not entirely sure what he does or what the clinic is all I know he does Chronic Cough and difficult airways disease.My mum will be coming down with me so will be nice to go somewhere different for lunch than our usual Slug or Frankies!

Open University is dragging at the moment, I’m about a month behind on reading. Its getting near exam time to and I’m really worried I wont pass as I am really bad at exams and I’m not sure I’ve learnt it. My revision technique is well non existent. I’ve signed up for the next 2 modules for next year just waiting to discuss with my tutor on support next year.

Sleeping is better Im waking up more refreshed but seem to be spending more time in my room these days I tend to eat less in there. Im more comfortable there. I recently had abot of a spending spree on DVD’s and slowely been watching them.

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The last few days I seem to be loosing my short term memory. Im buring things as I forget there in the oven or on the hob annoying when cooking, Im leaving a hob when not in use this is wrecking my pots and pans and is potentially dangerous as could start a fire or I could put my hand on it thinking its cold, Im forgetting things on my list so Im going shopping everyday to get something little and using end up buying things I dont need, Im forgetting what day it is so Im consently having to remind myself and its driving me potty. This I think is a side effect of my antideressent I have started taking, its helped me so I suppose I have to put up with it but I hope I dont end up having to set alarms and reminders for everything!

Also noticed my spelling is getting worse I think again down to the anti-d’s making my mind slower!


Just blame the meds….

Im fed up with my GP’s attitude at the moment. I have been going almost every month for the last few months with problems and I get an excuse well it likely to be your meds talk to consultant about it. Even when it isn’t lung related. Here is some examples lack of a period in a year (no I am not pregnant), inability to loose weight, tiredness, palpations and muscle pains. My consultant has no intrest in my periods, its always lungs that’s it. I am fed up of it being blamed on the meds I know some things are but blaiming it on the meds dosn’t solve the problem I cant not take the meds. Now I just feel like whats the point of a GP is wants me to talk to consultant about any and everything that’s wrong with me. I want other parts of me to feel normal and at the moment it feels like my body is falling to pieces.