Fighting for Breath

I Have Brittle Asthma. Everyday can be a battle to breath and survive. This is a space to share, rant and come to terms with my everyday challenges and thoughts.


I went to the cinema last week.. havent been home since. I got ill and been in hospital since. In and out of ITU being pumped through all drugs to keep all my organs going. My body is drained and lost my fight. I realy dont want to carry on like this. But my health is so complex it isnt as easy as changing drugs. I just want to be normal.

I am falling down the slippery slide of depression and trying to hold on but feel like I can anymore. I keep trying to cry but cant. I try and talk but then i get scared of annoyed. I dont trust many people inculding my parents.

I feel unloved by everyone hardly see anyone despite being so ill. All the people I care about cant be more than text and I want a physcial hug and care.

I just dont know who to put whats in my mind down tonight. There is too many thoughts going around my head to make it into senstanaces. Trying to make sense of my life but I dont think there is any sense in it.

1 Comment »


We have had about 20cm of snow. I managed to go outside and make a snowman and then I started getting tired and when I get cold my chest tightens and start feeling ill so didn’t manage to go out for long or make as big snowman as I wanted to. It was good to feel normal for a while and get back to memories of better times.

I am currently overweight mainly from being off work for a while and steroids. I have decided to lose some weight by taking up a new sport. I went swimming a few weeks ago and the smells made my asthma worse. However I have a plan I am taking up fencing!

I am struggling still with mental health and what I have been through. I am fed up of being at home and what to curl up in a ball and be forgotten about.

Now its time for my pills and a neb!

1 Comment »

December.. Christmas and Birthdays

Sorry about the lack of posts more will become clearer as it goes on!

I have sent off my uni application and starting to hear back with interviews. Fingers crossed they go well!

I saw the company Dr and I have been told to stay inside but is happy for me to work!

Still haven’t sorted out my asthma care still waiting to be seen and wont be seeing any specialist until February.

I have spent allot of the last month in hospital. Like usual treated like dirt. It wasn’t my chest. I suffered severe abdominal pain. It started off as a cyst that burst. After test after test nothing could be found so I was referred to the pain team and had an injection to numb the pain. Luckily things have settled. I took 4 weeks off for that.

Just before I returned to work I became unwell with vomiting head ache and a dislike to bright lights. I saw my GP who gave me anti sickness. Unfortunately things got worse and ended up in ED with meningitis but this wasn’t diagnosed until a few days later. Whilst I was there no-one stuck to the same plan and things kept changing. I was annoyed by this and was glad to get home.

Once i returned to work I was placed in the grotto however it was very cold and I ended up having an asthma attack not a bad one but ended up on steroids again. I lost allot of weight before but the steroids made me put it all back on.

I did most of my Christmas shopping online. I hate Christmas it was a quite one and so far managed to avoid any major arguments.

I hate new year nothing is going to change overnight. It isn’t a new start as nothing can change the past. It always make me look back on the last year and how bad it is. I know things aren’t going to change people say this year be better but still have its battles.

I am now 22. Didn’t get much for my birthday nor did I do anything that special. I went to London however couldn’t do much of what I wanted due to my chest.

Leave a comment »